This may seem a little morbid but this birthday has held a strange fascination for me. Maybe even the whole next year of my life. At age 48 – my age now – my dad died from heart disease. His father and sister died of heart-related sickness as well. It’s a family thing. At age 38, I was diagnosed with one of the contributing factors of his death, a weird cholesterol thing where you have decent cholesterol but you don’t have the part that scrubs out the bad stuff. So you can be “healthy” but get clogged arteries. The diagnosis left me with a strong sense of mortality and a desire to make the rest of my life count for something. A sense that I might have a much shorter time here than I’d thought. I don’t know what’s in store for me but I do know that I’m not waiting any more. Why not take chances? Why not choose love over the cold comfort of pride? Why not play the fool? Why not dance? Why not cry?
Life’s too short. There are no guarantees, no unbreachable security or safety. And there’s no sense in waiting for tomorrow. Tomorrow wasn’t promised to anyone and you just grow old waiting for it. Sing your heart, speak your truth and live.
This past month has been one where I’ve felt a little lost, even while I felt like I knew exactly where I was going. I did all the ‘right’ things; crossing all the T’s and dotting all the I’s but I felt a little empty and inadequate at the end of every day. Too much on my plate and no brakes to say ‘no.’ I was sorry every week to miss the opportunity to say ‘Hey’ to you guys.