One of my most productive and most destructive traits is stubbornness. I keep running into fear and it’s a bear for me to buck. I tend to freeze like a cat in the headlights. The lovely thing about my tenacity is that it gives me the ability to refocus and head back into the work. I’m back at my worktable and recommitting to my daily creative practice and body movement.
The trees sent me a little, bright and red message this morning. Beautiful elegance in the crosswalk.
Walk, December 9, 2019
Some day I’ll travel there.
I long for somewhere else.
Other people’s clouds
look better than my sunshine.
The trees are shedding leaves.
What am I shedding?
Clouds are memories, evaporating.
My heart is a cactus garden,
I stand on the outside
and I try to be grateful.
I’ve heard life is pain.
Pain is life.
Life is just life
which includes pain.
Somehow I expected it
to be something else.
I swept my front porch this morning
Swept away the rain debris
and the crustaceans.
I have too much on my plate.
I feel overwhelmed.
If time equals money
what is left?
If I need money
I spend more time
chained to a desk.
I can’t give any more time
and I live in the land of lack.
I’m simply trying to see
the many things around me that I can be thankful for –
Like the fog rolling over the mountains.
I remember when I lived,
not up in those mountains,
but at the foot of them;
and the fog would roll through.
And I thought
when can I live somewhere else?
And looking up at them now, I say
Someday I’ll travel there.
I’m good at holding onto feelings
so that I can record them and write about them.
that means I can remember all the sadnesses
well and deeply.
And I know that this life is
not going to get any easier as long
as I’m looking for and locked
in these emotional snapshots.
I’m almost home.
